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Literature Text
Lo! For what has come into mine line of sight?
I shall fall to the ground at thy terrifying presence
As the overpowering darkness doth make oneself weak
Behold! It is Shadowlord, Bitter Prince of the Night
I do so wish I could tell of the extrodinary pulchrItude
That hast burdened thine serpentine, angst ridden soul
But alas! I could not begin to do thyself due justice
All I can express is mine enduring, full fledged gratitude
For you hath showered me with a glorious bloody rain
In the form of venomous words, and time mastered critique
This one experience shall stay within mine own heart
As I have learned from you, there is much to be gained
M'Lord, this unworthy peasant asks to bestow some advice
I beseech you to use a glorious new invention, to carry you through
Spellcheck shall prove itself worthy to thine own dark eyes
Or would that be too much of a self-defeating grand sacrifice?
I shall part as a closing passes through mine lips
Be watchful as you know not where thou dost tread
Let this be a truthful and sacred lesson learned
And as thou doth walk out, on thy cape you best not trip!
I shall fall to the ground at thy terrifying presence
As the overpowering darkness doth make oneself weak
Behold! It is Shadowlord, Bitter Prince of the Night
I do so wish I could tell of the extrodinary pulchrItude
That hast burdened thine serpentine, angst ridden soul
But alas! I could not begin to do thyself due justice
All I can express is mine enduring, full fledged gratitude
For you hath showered me with a glorious bloody rain
In the form of venomous words, and time mastered critique
This one experience shall stay within mine own heart
As I have learned from you, there is much to be gained
M'Lord, this unworthy peasant asks to bestow some advice
I beseech you to use a glorious new invention, to carry you through
Spellcheck shall prove itself worthy to thine own dark eyes
Or would that be too much of a self-defeating grand sacrifice?
I shall part as a closing passes through mine lips
Be watchful as you know not where thou dost tread
Let this be a truthful and sacred lesson learned
And as thou doth walk out, on thy cape you best not trip!
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This poem is in response to this comment left by ~iamsodarkicry...who so graciously made the time to critique my work...
"Wow, way to write a Nine Inch Nails song. Again if your going to make a dark, dank, lusty, ravenous, goth poem like all 1000 others on this site the least you could do is use some type of verse or rythm. Your poem reads like a run-on sentence, the breaks make no fucking sense. "indescribable deadly fear" What is that? To many syllables, and those words don't work well at all. Just because it's a big word doesn't make it good. You're probablly use words like pulchratude as well becuse you think it makes you looks smart, oh wait you wouldn't write anything about beauty. Try replacing it with an alliteration, also try writing something original.
Oh yeah, and get a subject that makes fucking sense. You start off getting eaten by leeches and drowning, then your a crying drunk. I don't think the drowning was meant to be litteral but you spoke on that for almost the entire poem. What the shit?
Poems are not your forte go back to sliting your wrists."
I do not mind critique at all...but have something constructive to say..please. And try not to be such a bastard.... I do realize some people cannot help it. I usually would not strike out, but I am sick of people like this.
*note...see his work to understand why I chose to word it as such.
"Wow, way to write a Nine Inch Nails song. Again if your going to make a dark, dank, lusty, ravenous, goth poem like all 1000 others on this site the least you could do is use some type of verse or rythm. Your poem reads like a run-on sentence, the breaks make no fucking sense. "indescribable deadly fear" What is that? To many syllables, and those words don't work well at all. Just because it's a big word doesn't make it good. You're probablly use words like pulchratude as well becuse you think it makes you looks smart, oh wait you wouldn't write anything about beauty. Try replacing it with an alliteration, also try writing something original.
Oh yeah, and get a subject that makes fucking sense. You start off getting eaten by leeches and drowning, then your a crying drunk. I don't think the drowning was meant to be litteral but you spoke on that for almost the entire poem. What the shit?
Poems are not your forte go back to sliting your wrists."
I do not mind critique at all...but have something constructive to say..please. And try not to be such a bastard.... I do realize some people cannot help it. I usually would not strike out, but I am sick of people like this.
*note...see his work to understand why I chose to word it as such.
© 2003 - 2024 alwayzdazd
Comments32
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How I hate when people leave comments such as the one in your description, and I did as you said (check out his work) though I found he had been banned. No real surprise there.
I hate people in general. I really wish most people would shrivel up and die in a corner somewhere, lost and forgotten.
I hate people in general. I really wish most people would shrivel up and die in a corner somewhere, lost and forgotten.